Amy's Corny Jokes that Are Okay to Tell Your Kids

[armyadarkness]

This is what makes it all worth it:

View attachment 2055

lollololololo

 

[bonin in the boneyard]

I went to Hooters and asked for a job application. They handed me a bra and said:

"Here, fill this out."

 

[bonin in the boneyard]

My neighbor's husband is mad at her for sunbathing in the nude.

Personally, I'm on the fence.

 

[bonin in the boneyard]

My wife asked me, if I could have a threesome, which of her friends would I choose?

I guess I was only supposed to name one.

 

[bonin in the boneyard]

I've been dating a blind woman, but it's actually a lot of work.

It took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

 

[Jared]

Kid friendly huh? Sheesh.

Depends on the kids. My wife and I were pretty lax about language. Ever play cards with your dad and your 7 year old? You know, the game where your 70 year old dad sets your kid and you kid calls him a f***ing a$$hole? Then your dad asks if your going to let your son talk to his grandfather that way and your response is “I actually agree with him, tgat was an a$$hole move you made there”?

 

[bonin in the boneyard]

Did you ever hear the one about the constipated accountant?

He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.

 

[Jared]

Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuffed down the front of his pants. Bar keep asked him why he’s dressed that way. Pirate responds “argh, it drives me nuts”

 

[dedpool1052]

What do you call an Armenian bodyguard?

A Serj-protector.

 

[armyadarkness]

An airplane is about to crash. There are four passengers; A Texan, an Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Mexican... But there are only three parachutes onboard.

As they try to decide who gets the chutes...

The Englishman grabs one, jumps out the plane and yells "God Save the Queen".

Before anyone can react, the Frenchman grabs one, jumps out the plane and yells "Vive Le France".

The remaining two stand there looking at the last two chutes... and the Texan stands up, throws the Mexican out the door and yells "Remember the Alamo"

 

[ituobrey]

Relative humidity- When the sweat from your balls runs down the crack of your sister-in-law's ass

 

[bonin in the boneyard]

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

 

[armyadarkness]

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

I agree. (ive seen his sister in law)

 

[66COUPE]

Relative humidity- When the sweat from your balls runs down the crack of your sister-in-law's ass

How can I tell that to the kids. ?

 

[bonin in the boneyard]

The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?”

And she replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.”

That was when I realized I’d left my phone on Airplane mode.

 

[ituobrey]

How can I tell that to the kids

All threads become the main thread

 

[bonin in the boneyard]

You know what they say about cliffhangers.

 

[4strings]

The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?”

And she replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.”

That was when I realized I’d left my phone on Airplane mode.

LOL. Oh my god. I am stealing that as a Dad joke.

 

[armyadarkness]

How can I tell that to the kids. ?

 

[armyadarkness]

All threads become the main thread