Amy's Corny Jokes that Are Okay to Tell Your Kids

ponchonlefty

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bonin in the boneyard

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Hard to find a joke without dirty words in it, but worth a try:

Two tall trees, a birth and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birth says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and says, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into."
 

ituobrey

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An engineer dies and goes to the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at the engineer, then at his list and says "I don't see your name here, I can't let you into heaven." The engineer says "wait a minute, my wife and I went to church regularly, we cared for the two orphans we adopted and welcomed all into our life and home. What do you mean I can't enter heaven?" St. Peter replies "look, I don't make the rules. If your name is not on the list you go to hell."

So the engineer goes to hell and introduces himself to the devil. The engineer looks around and asks "How about I make some improvements to make this place a bit more inviting?" He proceeds to install an efficient a/c unit, lowering the temp in Hades to a comfortable 68°.

In heaven, God looks down to hell and sees what the engineer has done and realizes he may have made a mistake. He contacts the devil to force him to return the engineer. The devil replies "no way Yahweh, he is staying here!". God replies "well if you don't I will sue!" The devil laughs and says "and where are you gonna find a lawyer?!"
 

armyadarkness

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two old farmers sitting on the porch talking, what ever happened to that old mule you had in the pasture? he died.where did you bury him? i didn't, i raffled him off. i made 500.00 off that mule. wow, i bet you made a lot of people mad. nah, just one and i gave him his money back.
Unless I didnt get it, this is potentially the worst joke I ever heard.
 
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