Amy's Corny Jokes that Are Okay to Tell Your Kids

armyadarkness

Royal Corn
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New Jersey
A New York Taxi picks up a Texan at the airport:

The Texan says, Wow, look at that building! What is it?
The cab driver responds; Yep. it's the Empire State Building. It took decades to complete and many men died while building it!

The Texan responds; We have one just like it in Texas, but it's much bigger, it only took a year to complete, and no one died while building it.

Then the Texan says, Wow! Look at that bridge! What is it?
The cab driver responds, That's the Verrazzano Bridge! It took decades to complete and many men died while building it!

The Texan responds; We have one just like it in Texas, but it's much bigger, it only took a year to complete, and no one died while building it.

Then the Texan says, Wow! Look at that tunnel! What is it?
The cab driver responds, That's the Holland Tunnel! It took decades to complete and many men died while building it!

The Texan responds; We have one just like it in Texas, but it's much bigger, it only took a year to complete, and no one died while building it.

Finally, the Texan sees the Statue of Liberty, and says, Wow! Look at that statue! What is it?
The cab driver looks out the window and says, I don't know. It wasnt there yesterday.
 

armyadarkness

Royal Corn
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New Jersey
Heaven is throwing a big party and all of the nuns are asked to help set up.

Giant tables of food, balloons, flowers, games, music...

Finally, Mother Superior says to St. Peter... You never do any of this when a nun dies. How come you're making such a big deal over this Monsignor?

St Peter says, because we never had a monsignor before.
 

armyadarkness

Royal Corn
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New Jersey
While hosting a school event, a fire breaks out at the church.

As the teachers and staff attempt to get everyone out safely, the fire spreads wildly throughout the building.

Mrs Reilly yells out... The building is about to collapse! Fuck the rest of those kids!

The priest replies, there's no time for that. Get OUT NOW!
 

mktrat

Royal Corn
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Location
The Mitten
While hosting a school event, a fire breaks out at the church.

As the teachers and staff attempt to get everyone out safely, the fire spreads wildly throughout the building.

Mrs Reilly yells out... The building is about to collapse! Fuck the rest of those kids!

The priest replies, there's no time for that. Get OUT NOW!
Kid friendly huh? Sheesh.
 

bonin in the boneyard

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A man walks into a bar. It's a very special bar: on the top floor of a tall building, with views all around.

He sits down, orders a drink, and strikes up a conversation with the guy next to him:

"This is a nice bar, isn't it?"

"Indeed. It's a very special bar."

"How so?"

"Well you see, the wind outside blows straight up. It's so strong that if you jump out the window, it will blow you right back up."

"No way."

"Yes way."

"Show me."

"Okay."

Guy walks over to the window, takes off his glasses, and jumps out. He drops about 20 stories before he slows down, reverses, and shoots right back up and into the window.

"Holy shit!"

"I know."

"Does it work every time?"

"Totally. Watch."

Guy jumps out the window again, this time dropping about 30 stories before turning around and flying back in the window.

"Will it work for anybody?"

"Sure will."

"Oh man, I gotta try this."

Man jumps out the window, drops 50 stories, and explodes into a lumpy red mist upon impact.

Guy puts on his glasses and sits back down at the bar.

Bartender shakes his head and says: "You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."
 
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ituobrey

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Notha Bahstin, Southa Glosta
A successful seller of flowers in a small town was dismayed to find one day the nearby monastery had opened an identical shop in his block. In a short while most of his customers had begun to frequent the monastery's place instead of his. All his efforts to dissuade them failed until he enlisted a local leg breaker named Hugh McCafferty, who loudly went into the monastery's shop and destroyed it, making it clear what would happen if he had to return. The shop closed the next day, proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
 

mktrat

Royal Corn
Premium Corn
Reaction score
23,284
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Location
The Mitten
A successful seller of flowers in a small town was dismayed to find one day the nearby monastery had opened an identical shop in his block. In a short while most of his customers had begun to frequent the monastery's place instead of his. All his efforts to dissuade them failed until he enlisted a local leg breaker named Hugh McCafferty, who loudly went into the monastery's shop and destroyed it, making it clear what would happen if he had to return. The shop closed the next day, proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
Total groan. Well done.
 
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